I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
