if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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