he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
