oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
