Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
