why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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