he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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