I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
