Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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