I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
