I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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