U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
