I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
