Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
a search helicopter?!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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