Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
