I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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