Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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