WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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