You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
