just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
