Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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