Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
