i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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