O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize