but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
