the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
sex in a hospital.. check
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
