Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
