I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
