Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
