The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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