I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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