On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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