Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
