I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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