I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
