Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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