I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
