When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
