i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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