I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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