ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
