How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
