sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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