So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
