I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
