The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
