I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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