my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
