how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
