Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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