ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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