I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we're so committed to being not committed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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