I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
