im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
