Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
