What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
