im six kinds of drunk right now
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
