i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My vagina is officially offended.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
