Kiss
Puke
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
