i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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