So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
