the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
