The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
