everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
