Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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