Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
