Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
