I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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