Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
