i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
