So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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