I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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