I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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