So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
