that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
