Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
