you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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