I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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