Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
