you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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