the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
