just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm bleeding and have questions
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